If you are reading this, you may have come here by accident. However, there's a slightly good chance that you are here for a reason, and if you are one of these people, then WELCOME to REMAIN ALERT.
Borne in a period of utter darkness and desolation amidst the season of sexual violence, REMAIN ALERT serves its purpose as a channel for writers of various lineage and blood purity to share their thoughts on just about, well, anything. Too often, the pulpit afforded us by the First Amendment is bludgeoned by idiots, like sturgeon ripe for the feast. Nancy Grace, Stephen Colbert, Ann Coulter, Thomas Friedman - the one thing these very different people have in common is that they are preaching to the converted; voices without a desire to sway opinion or promote healthy, intelligent discourse.
And neither do we. If you want that heavy handed jargoning, go elsewhere. There is no agenda. There is no order; the chaotic nature of the world we live in does not allow for such wishful thinking. Instead, there are movie reviews from functioning alcoholics, op-ed pieces from divorced grandmothers, haiku's from melodramatic teenagers, and the occassional political commentary from one or two potential revolutionaries.
So enjoy yourselves. Get into it. And please comment. After all, the only worthwhile conversation is the one going both ways.
Now, allow us to introduce our semi-weekly Columns (at the time of launch... these articles are subject to be dropped and/or added to as the circulation enlarges and contributions increase):
HOLD MY BEER by Ty Domi
a comical jaunt through the life and times of a reformed fat boy
LOVE IS A CREAMPIE by TRIDENT
comments and conclusions from the Valley's foremost "Gonzo pornographer"
WAR REPORT by The Remain Alert Editorial Team
BREAKFAST IN BED by Jeanette Rosenfeld
an 86-year-old from Bed Stuy recounts the excitement of her weekend and reviews the Sunday Times
RACKING FOCUS by Fat Ghoulardi
the latest on the cinematic sked from a Hollywood insider
EXCUSE ME WHILE MY HEART BREAKS by Kim Koyoto
a view into the head of a pubescent Japanese lesbian
LISTS by Eric Molloy
some amusing lists from a man with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
PEOPLE AND THINGS WE SHOULD BLOW UP by Charleston Page
the questions and concerns of a disgraced Fox News journalist
PROJECT BLUE CLIFF NOTES by X
Stories of the bizarre, paranormal, and lucid from Remain Alert's own Deep Throat
This is without mentioning the top-secret Project X, slated for T-minus 28 days and counting. We can't say anything about this, at all. Except that it's going to be massive, and life affirming, and potentially dangerous. All at once. Enough talk; I've said too much.
READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
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REMAIN ALERT Intelligentsia
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